Is that a copy of In Touch magazine in my mailbox? If only. No, it's the new issue of Newsweek, starring Paris and Britney. Whew, we can rest easy for once! There's nothing of consequence happening in the world, and the time has come for Americans to struggle over this pressing question: "Are we raising a generation of 'prosti-tots'?"A very serious question indeed. And for those jaded folks who think the story was just a cheap excuse to plaster the cover with boobs, don't be so quick to judge. The hard-hitting piece happens to be based on a startling new statistic: "A Newsweek poll found that 77 percent of Americans believe that Britney, Paris and Lindsay have too much influence on young girls." So you see, the magazine couldn't possibly uncover a statistic like that and not explore it.
And explore it they did. After mentioning their cover girls' lack of underwear as many times as possible, the authors vaguely muse about how much celebrity hoo-ha flashing affects third-grade girls. Their weighty conclusion? Not much:
Statistical evidence indicates that our girls are actually doing pretty well, in spite of Paris Hilton and those like her: teen pregnancy, drinking and drug use are all down, and there is no evidence that girls are having intercourse at a younger age. And in many ways it's a great time to be a girl: women are excelling in sports, academics and the job market.Sigh. Read it if you must, but if you'd rather give yourself a thousand paper cuts than subject yourself to the idiocy, I'll help you out with my own edited version:
Some Americans think Britney's bad behavior negatively affects little girls, but that's not really true.
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